


The word you can't say

by SerpentFlower



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Virgil's got issues, secret santa gft, secret santa gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28382826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerpentFlower/pseuds/SerpentFlower
Summary: For PandoricaViRoman thought everything was going good in their relationship. So why won't Virgil 'I love you' back?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37
Collections: Sanders Sides 2020 Gift Exchange





	The word you can't say

The first time Roman said it, was on a Disney movie night with just him and Virgil, cuddled up together, Virgil had started to doze off.

A grin slowly crept onto Roman’s face as he leaned over completely blocking the view of the movie (not like it matters, they had already seen it like a billion times). Virgil blinked his eye open, waking up slightly from being jostled. “What ya doing Princey?” He murmured.

Roman smirked harder, leaning forward a bit more. “I’m afraid you must be cursed, but worry not, for I know the one cure for sleeping spells.”

Virgil caught on quickly, groggily shoving back Roman. “No, don't think about it just let me rest.

“Oh but I can't. If I leave it the spell could put you into a century long slumber, I must save you in the honor of a prince.”

“Leave it, I might get a good night's sleep.” Roman had managed to get a hold around his squirming boyfriend trying to place a kiss but mainly making smooching noises as Virgil held him back.

“No, I can’t because I love you.” Virgil stopped moving, in fact he seemed more awake than before. “Crap sorry I didn’t mean to say that, not that I don’t mean it, I care about you deeply but-” Virgil’s lips trapped Roman’s, effectively cutting him off.

When he pulled back he rested his forehead against Roman’s. “Don’t worry. I feel the same.” 

——————————————————————————

The second time was a more formal date a few weeks later. The two were in the imagination, the sun was setting, giving the sky an orange glow, and fireflies started to take flight all around them. 

They sat on a picnic blanket drinking champagne. Virgil was watching one of the fireflies that landed on his leg, but Roman’s attention was solely on him. It was difficult but always worth it to get Virgil’s eyeshadow to change to purple. He’s almost jealous of how easily Nico can change Virgil from uptight emo to a giggly teen, but he knows that’s just Thomas' feelings projected onto Virgil. The same way when his heart sores from Flores giving a flirty remark, doesn’t change how much he loves his real boyfriend. 

Speaking of love...

“Virgil,” Roman took Virgil’s hand in his own. “I know that I already said this, but it wasn’t how I planned it so I want to take now to say.” He cupped Virgil's cheek with his free hand. “You make me feel happy and so much more confident to be myself. I’ve never felt so whole except for when I’m around you. I know we didn’t start on the best terms but that just makes me that much more sure that what I’m feeling is true. After all, the reward is alway more valuable when the quest is trickier. And that’s why I know… I love you.” He was so sure about this that it made the dread all that much worse as he watched the colour literally drain from Virgil’s eyeshadow. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? I didn’t say anything… wrong did I?”

Virgil finely shook himself out of his shocked state. “No no Ro, it's fine i’m sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you. I- Me too.” Roman couldn’t bring himself to enjoy the following kiss, when he noticed that the eyeshadow was darker than usual.

——————————————————————————

The third time was admittedly a dumb experiment.

Patton and Roman when in the kitchen making breakfast, Roman’s help was minimalistic due to the fact that he cooks like his brother. Roman was currently playing with the waffle batter watching it drip from the ladle, while Patton cooks. He was still bothered by the date.

Speaking of the devil, Virgil entered the room in his onesie, it made Roman the tiniest bit better seeing him be his adorable self. “I smell waffles.”

“Your correct-o kiddo.” Said Patton over his shoulder, attention mainly focused on the cooking food.

“Here. I’ve got a plate ready, Boo.” He picked up a plate with two large, still warm waffles handing it to his ‘boo’. “I even helped make it.”

“So should I worry about it being poison.” Virgil happily took it despite his remark.

“Ha ha. You're lucky I love you.”

Once again the eyeshadow layered upon itself. “I guess I am.” There was a pause before Virgil left with a “well, thanks.”

Patton, however, seemed completely oblivious to what occurred, not that Roman could blame him. “You seem down kiddo. What’s wrong?” At least he caught onto the kicked puppy look.

“It’s kind of stupid but I’ve told Virgil I love him but he won’t say it back.”

Patton placed a hand on Roman's back giving it a small rub. “Don’t take it personally Ro. That’s just Virgil. He hasn’t said it to any of us.” 

He gave into the comforting touch, leaning his weight into the father figure. “Yeah but shouldn’t it be different. We’ve been dating for months. And it’s not like the relationship is that new because we’ve known each other as long as we’ve been around. Or as long as I’ve been around.” Roman peaked up at Patton from the crook of his neck. “Maybe I’m just worrying too much.”

“You are. That’s Virgil’s job. Now go sit down and enjoy breakfast with your love while I finish up.” He said, giving his kiddo a small nudge.

“Thanks. Love you Pat.”

“Love you Ro.”

——————————————————————————

Later on, Roman let himself into Virgil’s room, gracing himself with the image of his emo chilling on his bed listening to his tunes. It made him feel kind of guilty about ruining the peace but he couldn’t help himself, he needed to know.

He sat at the edge of the bed, causing Virgil to jolt, having not realised someone was in his room. “Hey Ro, what’s up?”

“I need to ask you something.” It immediately spoke volumes to Virgil how worrying of a conversation this would be if it’s going to be one of those ‘we need to talk’ situations. “I’ve been thinking that we were at a really good point in our relationship, I thought that you were thinking the same but I’ve noticed that when I tell you that I love you you don’t say it back. So I guess, I just want to know… do you really love me?”

“Why are you asking this?” Virgil responded, pulling off his head phones.

“Why didn’t you say yes?” It came out as rude, but now wasn’t the time to deflect questions.

“Of course I care about you.”

Roman’s eyes narrowed, fighting off a frown. “But that wasn’t the question. Do you actually love me?”

Virgil glared him down. “Don’t start with this Roman. I don’t want a fight.”

“There wouldn’t be a fight if you would just answer me.” Roman matched the look, standing up over the bed. “Fine, how about a different question. Why won’t you give me a straight answer?”

“Because I-I don’t want…” 

“Want to, what? Lie to me?”

Virgil was silent but his glare didn’t waver.

The anger bubbling up died out in a matter of seconds. The next words slipping out by mistake. “Can you even love anyone?” He didn’t mean to say it, of course he didn’t, but that didn’t matter now, the damage was done.

“Get out of my room right now Roman.” Roman opened his mouth but was quickly cut off. “Piss off, asshole!” Virgil stood just to shove Roman towards the exit, before collapsing back onto his bed and curling into a ball.

With a heavy heart, Roman left silently, ignoring the shaky breaths.

Virgil had a couple of minutes to himself before there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?” His voice sounded rougher than normal.

“It’s Janus.” 

Virgil scowled at the door as if the snake could see him. “You're the last person I want to talk to.”

“Who would you rather talk to?”

He let out an involuntary growl. “I'm kind of going through some shit. I’m not in the mood for your games.”

“Good” Deceit let himself into the room, he stood with an air of grace and authority that one might confuse him for Logan. “Now sit down, shut up, and listen to the cold hard facts.”

“Like you're one to give facts.”

Janus held up a finger as if to shush him. “I said shut up. It is my job to say what is necessary, no matter how much you don’t want to hear it. And the truth is that you love Roman. Everyone can see it, even the emotionally constipated Logan.”

“But you don’t understand-“

“No. I do.” He said a tad bit too aggressive. Janus took a deep breath and spoke softer and more sympathetic. “But you need to stop letting your fear get in the way of your happiness. You didn’t say what you wanted to because you didn’t want to lose him, but how do you think this is going to end? Besides,” he shrugged, “even if you break up I doubt you would ever stop loving him.”

Virgil flopped backwards onto his sheets, letting out a massive groan. “I hate that you're right.” He got up and dragged himself to the door, pausing for a moment. “Thanks. Maybe you don’t suck as much as I thought.”

He made his way down the hall and plopped himself outside of Roman's room with his back against the door. “Hey Ro, can we talk?”

No response came, but that was good enough for him. If Roman didn’t want to listen to Virgil he would say it. “I’m sorry, I should have just told you the truth. I’ve only ever told one person I love them, not Patton, not Logan, not even Thomas, and don’t worry not Remus.” He let his head fall against the door, now staring at the ceiling. “It was Janus. I was a kid and he was the only person who was always there for me. He held me when I cried and protected me when I was scared.” He heard shuffling on the other side of the door, a creak came as pressure was added when Roman joined him on the opposite side. “I asked him how could I trust he cared about me and he said he was a man of his word, and would always keep a promise… and that ‘I love you’ was the biggest promise of them all. So I told him that I loved him and would always be by his side."

“But eventually I realized that that was a lie, and love was temporary. Of all my relationships, the one with Janus was the worst. So I jumped to the conclusion that the phrase was a curse. But it isn’t. I’m just an asshole.” He smirked,” Guess that’s something we have in common.” A small chuckle came from the other side. “But I’m going to fix my mistake.”

Virgil stood facing the door, lifting his palm to press against the wood. “Now open up because I’m not telling a door I love it.” A moment of shuffling and the door opened to reveal a hesitant, dishevelled Roman. “Roman, Princey, Pain in my butt, Sanders, I do truly love you.” 

Within a second he was trapped within a bone-crushing embrace. “I’m sorry for being so stupid, please forgive me.” 

Virgil combed his finger through his prince’s hair. “Of course I do. I understand that you get insecure, and need confirmation to ward off doubts, I am Anxiety after all.”

Roman let out a wet laugh. “You’re too good for me. I love you so much.”

Virgil pulled Roman back to give him a quick kiss. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Things I feel like I should say:
> 
> The word counts not quite there but anything else I would add would have made it drag on.
> 
> I didn't plan for this to be the original story but once seeing the other one I couldn't bring myself to use it and choose this idea instead.
> 
> And Roman isn't supposed to be a jerk but more a reflection of how I would react. (so im a jerk)


End file.
